The Green Thing

= The Green Thing = I was born Jonathan Jason Jeffrey Kevin Tim Johnson Johnson junior the second the third, but when my parents saw my abnormal shade of blue, they named me Green. My mom's name was Mom, and my dad's name was Dad. But that doesn't matter, they're dead now. I'll skip ahead a few days to when I was twelve. Me and my family were having a great day. Suddenly, the house caught on water! Someone had left the sink running! "Someone get the flamethrower to put out the water!" said Dad. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," I said, firing the flamethrower at my parents. Then I ran away, the house already drowned to the ground.

I then decided to join a gang. With my flamethrower in hand, I went to the official gang registration building. I had to answer a bunch of questions. "Name?" "Green." "Age?" "Green." "Favorite color?" "Blue." Then they sent me to a dark alley. A fat man in a ninja suit sat on a dumpster. "Hi, my name is Mario and Luigi, it's nice to meet you," he said, holding out his hand. I painted his hand green. Then I said, "It's nice to meet you, Mr. and Luigi." "Please, call me Mr. Super Mario Bros." "Okay, Mr. Super Mario Bros." "That's a nice flamethrower you've got there. Why don't you melt some faces with it?"

So I went to a football stadium to melt some faces. Mr. Super Mario Bros. was so happy that he had a heart attack and died. With his final breath, he told me to take over the gang. But it turns out that there wasn't any gang after all. So I went to the famous gang called the Mafia. The leader of the Mafia was Mr. Super Mario Bros. brother, Mr. Super Mario Bros. I then got a job as an assistant toilet cleaner. I quickly became important enough to go on secret toilet cleaning missions for the boss. But after an incident involving a cat, a fire extinguisher, and a backhoe, Mr. Super Mario Bros. had to retire. His assistant, Jerry the Eggplant, took over, quitting his part time job in Menesville as a real good farmer. Jerry the eggplant gave me a very important mission to do. So I didn't. Instead, I broke my flamethrower and ran away to a deserted island.

I discovered that the deserted island was LLand, cactus. LLand, cactus was the coolest place ever. So I left. But before I could leave, I left. Then I realized that I was still there and that a giant squirrel was eating me. "Hi," said the squirrel. "Green," I said. "I'm Jeffmaster, also known as L for L." "Green." "L" "Green." "L" "Green." "L" "Green."

After that interesting conversation, I took the squirrel to my secret base.