The Legend of Table the 42nd

My name is Table the 8th. I was sent on a mission by the Jedi Master Ben Kenobi. Here is the story of my journey.

-> -> FART 1
"Use the Force, Luke." "Ben, I'm taking a dump!" "I don't care, Table. You shouldn't either.  You're on DRUGS." "Oh." "Luke, go to Chairland." "Why?" "Because I said so." "I can't argue with logic, I'll go." "Good, see ya." "Bye, Ben." "May the Force be with you."

Part 2
I began my journey where all good journeys begin - the Mafia's hideout. They asked me why I was there. I gave them an answer that I thought they'd like. They did, and gave me 4 ounces of free air and some idiot to go on the journey with me. To celebrate, we went to my grandma's house to eat cookies. After 17 cookies, I asked the Mafia guy what his name is. "Green," he replied. "Well nice to eat ya, I meen <-(spelled correctly) nice to meat ya. I'm Table the 1738th." "Green." "Cool." From that point on, I knew Green and I would be the worst of enemies. But I needed to leave to Chairland. 'We'll go in the morning," I told Green. My grandma came in.  "Boys, it's 3:00 PM, you need to go to bed."  Furious, I threw a used tissue at her, yelling, "Get out of my room, Grandma!"  She hurried out.  "Green," Green said.  I wiped a booger on him.  I was, after all, only 7 1/2 years old and thought boogers were quite entertaining.  Green returned the favor by lighting me on fire.  Luckily, I survived.  But Green didn't.  He fell through the floor and into the basement.  An elk bust through the basement walls, crushing Green.  "Ha, he's dead now," I said, still on fire.  I didn't really care. I wanted to see the elk and jumped down into the basement. "Hello," I said to what I thought was a harmless animal. "The future is in the past. Onward to victory!" The elk yelled out and shot lasers out of it nostrils. My grandma walked in, "Is this another one of your friends? Does he want some cookies?" The elk shot her and said, "THAT LADY ASSUMED MY GENDER!" "NOOOO!!!!" I exclaimed, "MY COOKIE MAKER!" I was enraged by the elk, so I used a forbidden move my father taught me- Shampoo 2-n-1.

"Wash my hair!" BOOM! I was surrounded in light and a yellow background was behind me. "Rise Shampoo." The song "Shampoo" began to play and a bottle of it appeared in my hand. "Rise Conditioner." A bottle of conditioner appeared in my other hand. "By the power bestowed upon me by my father, who recieved it from the legendary Ben, I combine thee!" BOOM! I flung my hands together and dust flew everywhere. The power level was over 9000. When the dust settled, the Shampoo and Conditioner had combined to create Shampoo 2-n-1.

Part 3

In my hand was the most powerful weapon in the universe, Once used, it will take 4 hours to recharge. I had one shot at this. With my exceptional ninja skills, I ran on the wall and blasted the elk's eyes with the 2-n-1. To my surprise, the 2-n-1 did nothing, because the elk used his machine gun eyes ability as a defense. I had a bit of 2-n-1 left, and aimed for his weak spot- his left leg. "If you kill me, I'll rise of the ashes more powerful!" the elk cried out as I used the last bit of the Shampoo 2-n-1 on his leg. The elk died, and I ran over to my grandma.

"I'm a tree." was my grandma's last words. "Grandma, don't die. You need to bake me more cookies." I pleaded, but she could bake no more. I got up, left her body(I didn't realize Green's was gone) and started for Chairland. I forgot I was on fire so I didn't get far without the fire department spraying me with a water hose. <- Last StoryCompanion Story-Next Story->